I got Kibbles shortly after I graduated and moved out on my own. Went with my friend Katie out to the pet store in Plattsmouth, and instantly fell in love with this rambunctious, cuddly gray tabby cat. He was gray and white, with a white stripe down his nose and a personality that you couldn't help but fall in love with. I ended up taking him home.
Kibbles was a playful kitten, and loved people. For being a cat, he was awfully socialized with friends and family and greeted you at the door like a dog. Whenever anyone came over and sat on my couch, he instantly hopped on their lap and made his presence known. He'd snuggle with anyone that was willing to sit and pet him for hours on end. You could cradle him like a baby in your arms and he would totally eat it up and stay there forever if you let him. I had numerous friends that fell in love with him and always threatened to smuggle him out of my house to take him home.
And that purr...it was one of the loudest purrs. You could hear him purring from a room away, no doubt about it. That purr and his instinct to cuddle got me through a lot of rough times. In the last ten years, that cat was definitely my "rock." Sadly, he was the only "man" in my life that I could ever really count on, regardless of what happened in any of my relationships. At the end of the day, he would be there to cuddle with me and purr and suddenly the world was a better place. I remember when I was pregnant with April, he took to my belly right away. He would lay across my stomach, even as I got ungodly huge, and would purr so loud, I bet April could hear him. After she was born, he would cuddle next to her, almost like her security blanket. That cat, when it was all said and done, was not just a cat to me. We had a bond that probably a lot of "non-pet lovers" just didn't get.
After thinking he had a simple UTI, I had started him on antibiotics per the vet's instructions last week. Instead of getting better, he got worse. I caught him peeing on my rug, but he wasn't peeing--he was crouched down in pain and dribbled out a few spots of pure blood. Something wasn't right, so I had to take him in for further blood work and tests.
While he was at the vet overnight, I kept thinking the worst. I knew that if the bill was any more than $600, I wouldn't be able to swing it. And that was spreading out and maxing out my three credit cards just to get that $600 together. Anything more and I knew I wouldn't be able to help him. I was hoping it was something simple and fixable.
It turns out it was fixable, but not simple. He was in the process of passing a bladder stone (which is why he was in pain), and had another huge one that was going to require surgery to remove. Doctor said he wasn't sure how he got the bladder stone, could have been a number of different reasons, but he couldn't guarantee that this would be the first and last issue. I asked him how much the surgery cost. On top of him being boarded at the vet and the tests that they had already completed, it was going to be about another $800. I couldn't say anything. The vet told me to think it over and call him back when I made a decision as to what I wanted to do. I hung up the phone and bawled my eyes out. I knew I was going to have to make a judgment call that I didn't want to have to make. I called the vet back, said I would be in to put Kibbles down. I called my mom to come get me and come with me, and we went down to see Kibbles one more time.
Kibbles was so happy to see me when they brought him into the room. This was the last time I would see those gorgeous green eyes, hear that amazingly loud purr, and snuggle with my ten-year-old lug of a cat. They already had him prepped for the euthanasia. I signed some papers, and they left me in the room with him for a little bit before they were coming back in. All I could do was cry and keep telling him I was so sorry. If I had all the money in the world, I could have fixed him, and maybe had him around for another five years or so. But the vet told me I was doing the right thing. He said cats this age typically don't have this problem just once after they've started. He said he has seen cats that have to come in about once a year to have bladder stones removed surgically. And with his arthritis, this was just the beginning of a lot of medical bills and vet visits for this cat. He had a good ten years behind him. He was happy, healthy, and loved, everything a pet should be. I couldn't be selfish and go into debt trying to prolong his life if it meant him not being happy, just to make myself happy and not have to deal with the heartache of missing him. This was inevitable. This was one of the hardest decisions in my life.
I got to hold him as they put him down. But I couldn't let a complete stranger hold him as they put him down, I couldn't do that to him. It might not have hurt him at all, but it hurt me. It was just like he went to sleep, but there was no loud purr, no snuggling, just dead weight and silence. I know I did the right thing, but it hurts. Time will pass and life will go on, I know that, but it sucks.
The last few days I see little reminders of him. The catnip on the counter that he loved, and that Kirby doesn't even react to. The can of wet cat food I got him as a treat, gone uneaten. I threw the medicine away that I was giving him. I cleaned up the spot on the rug with the spot cleaner. I keep walking into the living room thinking he's going to be stretched out on the rug sunbathing, but he's not there. I keep thinking of picking him up and bringing him into bed to cuddle with me at night, but he's not there. It's the little things that I miss. Just his presence in the apartment was reassuring and comforting.
Now I'm down to two: Dakota and Kirby. Kirby is a lot less social and cuddly than Kibbles was, but Dakota is picking up the slack by becoming overly needy. It's like she knows something's not right, like there's a void she needs to fill, and right now, that's comforting. Kirby walks around looking a little lost and confused, and keeps sniffing Kibble's favorite spots. I think they know. And for anyone who is sitting there thinking, "it's just a cat," you're wrong. For years, he was my "kid," my baby.
When you are at the pet store looking at a kitten or puppy, the last thing you think about is all their vet appointments, how to take care of them when they get sick, and the day that they will no longer be your companion. But it's so important to think of all the joy that they give you, and understand that that was exactly why they were in your life in the first place.
Kibbles
3/2001 - 7/8/2011
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