25 Reasons I Owe My Mother

My dad sent me this in an email, and it made me laugh.  How true!  (Personally, I'm a big fan of teaching logic and irony...)

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 

2.. My mother taught me RELIGION . 

'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC . 

' Because I said so, that's why.' 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 

'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.' 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . 

'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' 

7. My mother taught me IRONY .

'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 

'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . 

'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!' 

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA . 

'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.' 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER . 

'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . 

'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . 

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 

'Stop acting like your father!' 

15. My mother taught me about ENVY . 

'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 

'Just wait until we get home.' 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 

'You are going to get it when you get home!' 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . 

'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.' 

19. My mother taught me ESP . 

'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?' 

20. My mother taught me HUMOR . 

'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.' 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 

'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.' 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 

'You're just like your father.' 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS . 

'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?' 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM . 

'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.' 

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. 

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'